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It is distressing to realise that someone close to you may be considering suicide. The below information will help you in helping someone with suicidal thoughts; to identify signs to look for, decide what to do and learn what help is available. Most people who consider suicide do get through the crisis. Family, friends and professionals can make a big difference in helping people stay safe and re-establish reasons for living.
Suicidal thoughts can be a recurring theme for some men who have experienced child sexual abuse or sexual assault. Talk of suicide should always be taken seriously, particularly as research suggests that men who were sexually abused are up to 10 times more likely to experience suicidal thoughts. In one study, 46% of men with a history of childhood sexual abuse indicated that they had attempted suicide. Add to this the fact that males are almost 4 times more likely than females to die by suicide (with men in age 30-44 years the most at risk) then it becomes important to be prepared to ask about and deal with suicidal thoughts.
People at risk of suicide usually give clues by their behaviour. These may include:
Talk of suicide should always be taken seriously.
Most people who think of suicide do get through it.
Mental health problems can increase the risk of suicide. We may not know a person’s mental health history; however, we may notice that a person seems depressed or anxious, and/or is misusing alcohol or other drugs. They may have told us that they are receiving treatment for a mental health problem.
Having a mental health problem does not mean a person will have thoughts of suicide – many don’t. However, mental health problems can affect the way people view problems. They affect motivation and openness to seek help, therefore we need to be particularly aware of the possible risk of suicide.
People who have recently been discharged from hospital for treatment of mental health problems may also be at higher risk of suicide. It is important that they receive ongoing support in the community. You may be able to help by supporting them to attend any follow-up visits with their GP or mental health specialists.
People considering suicide often feel very isolated and alone. They may feel that nobody can help them or understand their psychological pain. When unable to see any other way of dealing with pain, suicide may seem to be a way out. Sometimes people who have been distressed and openly suicidal become outwardly calm. Be aware that this may mean many things, including their quiet resolution to complete their suicide plan.
The important thing to remember is that if someone is not their usual self or if they are showing signs that arouse your concern you need to check it out. This tool kit will help you to talk to someone about suicide and then decide what steps to take.
Most people who consider suicide get through the crisis. The help and support of family, friends and professionals can make a big difference. The following tips will help you know what to do.
If you are concerned that someone you know is considering suicide, act promptly. Don’t assume that they will get better without help or that they will seek help on their own. It’s easy to avoid being part of that help, or to hope that someone else will step in. Reaching out now could save a life.
When you realise that you need to take action to help someone who is considering suicide, your natural reaction may be to:
These reactions are common but not helpful. It’s natural to feel panic and shock but take time to listen and think before you act. Following the tips below will help you get through. If you find you’re really struggling, enlist the help of a trusted friend.
Spend time with the person and express your care and concern. Ask them how they are feeling, hear their pain and listen to what’s on their mind. Let them do most of the talking. Problems can seem more manageable after speaking about them.
Unless someone tells you, the only way to know if a person is thinking of suicide is to ask. Asking can sometimes be very hard but it shows that you have noticed things, been listening, that you care and that they are not on their own. Talking about suicide will not put the idea into their head but will encourage them to talk about their feelings. It opens up options for checking out risk, attending to safety and getting further help.
If a person is considering suicide, it is important to know how much thought they have put into it.
Ask about the following:
Use this information to decide what to do. If you are really worried, don’t leave the person alone. Seek immediate help – see contact numbers below or phone Lifeline on 0800 543 354. Remove any means of suicide available, including weapons, medications, alcohol and other drugs, even access to a car.
Now that you have this information you need to discuss together what steps you are going to take. What you decide to do needs to consider the safety concerns that you have. Do not agree to keep it a secret. You may need to enlist the help of others to persuade the person to get professional help – or at least take the first steps to stay safe. These may include their partners, parents, or close friends. Only by sharing this information can you make sure that the person gets the help and support they need. Sometimes the person at risk says they do not want help. Yet we know most people are in two minds about suicide. Make keeping them safe your first priority. Consider the long-term benefits of getting help for the person. It may mean risking the relationship but you could be saving a life.
If you feel that addressing the matter is urgent and critical – must be addressed immediately – you can always call 111 or accompany him to the emergency department at your local health centre. Do not leave him alone.
Otherwise, you can assist him to get help from a range of professional and supportive people:
When the person has decided who they are most willing to tell, help them prepare what they will say. Many people find it difficult to express their suicidal thoughts. Offer to accompany the person to the appointment. After the appointment, check that they raised the issue of suicide and ask what help they were offered.
Help them follow through with the recommendations. In some situations, the person may refuse to get help. While it’s important that you find them the help they need, you can’t force them to accept it. You need to ensure that the appropriate people are aware of the situation. Do not shoulder this responsibility alone.
Thoughts of suicide often return and when they do it is important for the person to again reach out and tell someone. Asking them to promise to do this makes it more likely that it will happen. Encourage the person to promise to call you or Lifeline 0800 543 354 if the suicidal thoughts return, and to do this before they harm themselves.
If you’re helping someone who is considering suicide, make sure you also take care of yourself. It is difficult and emotionally draining to support someone who is suicidal, especially over an extended period.
Thoughts of suicide do not easily disappear without the person at risk experiencing some change. Their situation, or their feelings about it, may change, or they may feel more supported and able to deal with it. In either situation, the continuing involvement of family and friends is very important. Below are some tips to ensure the person at risk continues to get the best help possible:
Below is a list of some of the telephone helplines or services available which offer support, information and help. All services are free, and are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week unless otherwise stated.
The following downloadable resources are available: